65 Reflections on 65 Days of Daily Meditation

Posted on April 9, 2018

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From January 31st to February 11th, I went to my second Vipassana retreat. No phones. No talking. No reading. No writing. Just myself and me. For 10 days, meditating 11 hours a day. I have maintained this practice daily since I got back. Here are my reflections.

  1. I have developed discipline by sitting daily, twice a day. 67f9f622fdfbafeb84d732a72c0ddace
  2. Even when I cannot concentrate, I emerge feeling calmer.
  3. Just a moment’s concentration allows me to experience the calm in a storm.
  4. During meditation, I am not fighting sleep as much as I am fighting inner inertia.
  5. I don’t let my thoughts or feelings govern my response. I try to respond with kindness no matter what.
  6. I am able to ride out positive or negative feelings because I realize they are transient. In a single 30-minute session, I can go from weeping to feeling completely calm and back.
  7. I have developed restraint. Of course there are triggers — but the number of times I react has reduced significantly.
  8. I am able to walk away from situations that usually would have got me in a bind for a long time.
  9. I don’t have to empty my mind to meditate. Meditation empties my mind.
  10. I am not afraid to say I don’t know.
  11. I am not compelled to explain myself to others.
  12. I am gentler in my interactions (mostly).
  13. I forgive myself and others.
  14. I am less jealous of others.
  15. I am more confident of finding my path.
  16. I am willing to fail and share my failures with others.
  17. I give people the benefit of doubt.
  18. I don’t take things personally.
  19. I am less judgmental of others and myself.
  20. My ambition is dying.
  21. I am not defined by my past. For years, I was my mother’s daughter. A Young Carer who took care of her mother. I don’t feel that way any longer.
  22. Acts of kindness are more visible to me.
  23. I feel terrible when I lie.
  24. I am able to separate myself from my monetary worth.
  25. I have grave realization of how limited I am and how limited my energy is.
  26. I recognize all the drama I create unnecessarily in my life and am able to step around it.
  27. I am able to give feedback compassionately or at least dispassionately.
  28. I have been sleeping really well and wake up feeling refreshed daily!
  29. I am better at setting boundaries. Forgiving does not mean engaging.
  30. The chronic pain I have lived with for 11 years is significantly better.
  31. I am less focussed on my chronic health issues.
  32. My PMS symptoms are significantly reduced.
  33. I feel lighter and emptier.
  34. I am better at listening to others, even those that are completely different from me.
  35. I don’t need to win conversations and arguments.
  36. I am more comfortable with ambiguity.
  37. I can engage in dialogue respectfully.
  38. I have better self esteem.
  39. My ability to manage anxiety has increased.
  40. I have been more creative in the last 2 months, than I have in the last several years.
  41. I am less worried about developing dementia in my 40s — a personal and constant worry for me personally for several years. This is a huge one for me.
  42. I am more focussed on living in the moment.
  43. I am less stubborn.
  44. I am more likely to say no truthfully than make an excuse to offers/invitations.
  45. I apologize without caveats when someone tells me I have hurt them.
  46. I am more joyful.
  47. I feel gratitude constantly.
  48. I am less bogged down by the injustices in life. (Of course things like wars make me sad. But I was losing hope and that has alleviated a bit.)
  49. I have stopped dwelling on my mistakes.
  50. I am better at letting go of people, situations, fears, wants, desires, sorrows, grudges, etc.
  51. I have stopped treating myself as a project that constantly needs to be improved.
  52. I have been eating better.
  53. I ask for help more easily.
  54. I am more realistic about my realm of influence.
  55. I am less annoyed by my spouse and more in love each day. (HAHA)
  56. I feel less responsible for the experiences of others. In other words, I have stopped carrying other people’s crosses.
  57. When I am right in a discussion, I am more concerned if I communicated compassionately than the outcome.
  58. I look forward to the future rather than being afraid of it.
  59. I am less lonely even though I spend most of my time alone.
  60. I have been wasting less time on the internet.
  61. All opinions, including mine, seem trivial to me.
  62. I feel contentment.
  63. I gossip less.
  64. I feel less compelled to have others like me.
  65. I respect myself.
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Posted in: introspection