Is the wedding day important?

Posted on April 9, 2016



The only picture you’ll get to see from my wedding! (Thanks, Anar!)

I hid our wedding album in storage for the longest time. I don’t show it to anyone. I hate how I look in wedding wear! I hate (Indian) weddings. I just don’t like wearing sarees or make-up or high-heels or gold jewelry. I hate having to poke my eyes with lenses. I don’t like crowds. I just hate attending Indian weddings – I missed most of my own sister’s wedding. I hate wedding food no matter how good. I hate small talk. I hate cheesy wedding photographs. I hate religious ceremonies. I also hate festivals, even though that’s irrelevant here.

My ideal wedding would have been on a beach with me wearing a short white/red/black dress (or a long, elegant one!) with cowboy boots – open hair, with wild flowers. Light make-up that I apply myself and I should be wearing very chic glasses. It would have had just a few handful people (Well, at this wedding too, I invited only 20 peeps including my folks, but still there was a huge crowd from my husband’s side!) and we would have said our own wedding vows. Our photographs would have been non-cheesy. My idea of non-cheesy changes over time, because these days, everything looks like a frikkin’ Pinterest picture and now, I find that cheesy! The vows – those seem like the most important aspect to me.

A lot of people tell me that I get my ideas from Hollywood movies or magazines. My response to them is , “So?” Indian people tell me, oh the wedding is never for the bride and groom. My response to them is, “Says who, and I hate you”. My husband of five years, who is one of the least annoying and nicest people I have ever met, says, “It’s not the wedding, it’s the marriage that matters.” To him I say, “Easy for you to say, you got the wedding you wanted.”

Even today when people talk of their weddings or show me their wedding photos, I feel a pang. In the early days, I would feel bad and then fight with Sid. Now, I am able to joke about it, or at least half-joke about it. When I do the meditation on twin hearts, it asks you to think of a happy moment. Mostly I go back to my wedding day, when I walked down the aisle, and Sid looked at me and said, “I am so happy; I love you so much!” It makes me teary-eyed just typing this at supersonic speed. We’ve been married five years and together for nine; I think it’s going pretty well (for now).

So is the wedding day really important then? Fast-forward ten years, say I develop dementia. Yes, I could get it in my 40s and that’s my reality. I may lose my sense of today. Looking at pictures is a very good tool to connect with a person with dementia and talk of sweet memories. I wonder how I might react to the pictures from my wedding day? Food for thought, Mr. SK.

Wedding 1

Sid @ our wedding

I often think of having a re-wedding. A sort of vow renewal, just so that I can wear what I want and we can read our vows. I am happy if Sid wears his mundu, because he really wanted to. I don’t care if no one else is there, him and me, and someone who can take decent pictures from my android phone (yes, no iPhone business, thank you very much) or a proper camera. We will take the pictures I have always wanted and we will record us reciting our vows. And yes, the destination would be either at a beach or atop a mountain or in a forest or in a barn or a meadow!

Yes, the relationship is more important, whether one is married or not. I have a beautiful relationship with a person that I love. Now only if I could get him to do a low-key, super-romantic re-wedding!

I wasn’t kidding – I even have a re-wedding board on Pinterest. (Most of them I now find cheesy, but you get the idea!



Posted in: Relationships