Saying NO to NEW Year

Posted on January 3, 2015

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I feel a great affinity with the month of December. It’s almost as if the month doesn’t even get the chance to truly exist. I feel the same way about my life. The moment I begin to relax a bit, I am hit by a wave of change and then begins again the herculean effort to make peace with the newness. I am sure December feels the same way. The moment December comes, people are thinking of the year-end and new beginnings. It makes me want to scream. “Relax people! Give December a chance to live itself out, will you?” Like December, I want to hold on to 2014 just a little longer.

I looked upon the advent of 2015 with great dread. As the messages of Happy New Year began to flood my mailbox, Facebook and email, I began to shudder. Do I really want to change? You see, I had a phenomenal 2014. On January 1st last year, I had made a conscious decision of controlling my tongue and temper. And somehow it worked. All through 2014, I rarely had any serious fights with Sid, only a few semi-major fights over stupid things. I had ZERO fights with my dad too! And I actually was in India for three weeks. These are big achievements for me.

The way I did this was very simple. I chose to use my words and I also chose to walk away from fights and come back to the situation to explain using words. At no point did I feel out of control really. I had never felt so much in control of my responses and reactions in my 33 years of existence!

So naturally when December came, I began dreading the New Year. Would I be able to continue on this path? This was a big challenge; how can I further challenge myself? What if all the niggling, irritating habits of others come back with a vengeance to attack me? What if I had only repressed my explosiveness? What if my subconscious mind had only leased this temporary relief for a year? The what ifs were making me paranoid!

I'm staying in 2014, yes, I am!

I’m staying in 2014, yes, I am!

And then I decided. It wouldn’t be a NEW year. It would simply be a calendar change. I would not attach any importance to the NEW bit. If people feel like they need a calendar to make changes to their lives, they can do it. I would stay the same. I don’t want to get better. I don’t want newer challenges. I want to, just for a year, feel the magic of consistency. Something that stays.

So, here’s to a lasting 2014! I am keeping the December 2014 calendar on my wall as a symbol of my determination.

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Posted in: introspection