Things I Want to Say to an Ex

Posted on November 25, 2013

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I consulted Sid before I wrote this post. He said I should definitely make it a point to express my gratitude to a person who stood by me during my toughest phase. I am going to talk about someone who came into my life as a friend. We met when I was in college. I was a young girl of eighteen. We were good friends for a long time. He’d come over and help my dad out with our music system wiring or converting audio cassettes into MP3s etc. When my mom died, he was the only “guy friend” who visited me. That year was very hard for me. My mom had died after a grueling seven years of suffering. But I didn’t feel relief when she died. I felt guilty, empty, lonely and angry.

This guy friend became my companion. We hung out a lot. We both bunked college. We didn’t have jobs. We went to movies, cooked together, did a lot of crazy things that would help me forget. And slowly, on popular demand from friends, we began dating. We dated for two years. I wasn’t a balanced person when I dated him. I had so many issues. I had terrible anger issues. I was extremely controlling and demanding. Basically, if I were him, I’d just leave me. But he didn’t. He stood by me. Showed me love and affection. Gave me the badly needed constancy in my life. For two years, he prioritized me. Now when I look back, every day in those two years, a part of me was getting healed. When I was strong enough, I decided to move out of the small town that we lived in. I got admission to go to social work college in Mumbai! Going to the big, bad city of dreams, he wouldn’t have looked good on my sleeve, so I broke up with him. We stayed friends. We never got back together again. But we stayed friends for a long time. Soon after I moved out, he took up a job abroad.

We changed. We tried to keep in touch. But I couldn’t relate to him anymore. I couldn’t understand how he could be friends with people who were not as intellectually stimulating as I was. (Modesty was never a strong quality for me then). I couldn’t understand how partying all night was still cool! Basically, we drifted apart. He tried to introduce me to his friends, but there was no love lost there. I guess they didn’t trust me. Or he told them that I didn’t like them. Slowly, the perfunctory hey-i-am-in-town calls stopped. We don’t talk at all anymore.

I know he is now married. Very happily married. I am too. But when I think about my “friend”, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for all that he did for me.

So all I want to say to him is, “Thank you for being the best friend there ever was. Thank you for never asking me any questions or passing any judgments. Thank you for standing by me and always being a sport! When I see pictures of you and your wife, I feel so grateful to God that you found someone to love you in the way you deserve. I wish for you inner peace, contentment and lots of love from family and friends. I am extremely sorry for not being as good to you as  I should have been. We don’t talk anymore, but I do pray for you on your birthday every year. Take good care of yourself and your family. Lots of love.”

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Posted in: Relationships