I Am The Real Housewife of Chicago

Posted on January 23, 2013


I am a housewife all right. But I am not the van-driving soccer mom nor do I look like Snooki or feature on a trashy reality show that everyone secretly watches. I have no children, no suburban home with a yard and white picket fence nor do I have a yacht and a husband with a six-pack. Ok, my husband does have a six-pack, in the fridge! Most people think that my life is easy because I have no kids, and my husband earns well. I am pretty sure that my friends think I must spend my time sipping margaritas and reading my favorite books or writing blog posts.

But this winter evening, as I wrap my chubby self in my pashmina (I said my husband earns well!), I take it upon myself to make you realize that I am just like any other housewife! I have problems too! My biggest need is

1. Sometimes, just for the challenge, I take my car downtown and try to find parking that isn’t $20/hr.

2. I am the fattest person in my mid-day yoga class. And I am an unremarkable size. You wouldn’t notice me on the bus.

3. Sometimes my biggest achievement of the week is saving $2 on a tank of gas because I drove a few miles to fuel up. 

5. I eat ready soup at least once daily and lick the bowl clean so that I don’t have to rinse it before I load the dishwasher.

6. I have to schedule my day around my workouts and TV programs.

7. I dress up to go to the Whole Foods and spend at least a few hours buying groceries. 

8. I look forward to social events which may be weeks away and fret about what to wear!

9. I call people over for dinner and drinks only to motivate myself to get up and clean.

10. Often my highlight of the day is receiving a package from Amazon of something that I ordered myself.

And recently I had an expensive keratin treatment done on my hair. I rationalized, “it lasts a good few months, so it’s worth it!” But after spending the $$$ I found that if I swim, the treatment will fade away much more quickly. Guess what my favorite form of exercise is? And you think I have no problems!

Posted in: life