That Time of the Year Again

Posted on December 17, 2012

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When 2012 began, I had no new year’s resolutions. Or perhaps, none that I said out loud. But I had two. (A) To spend the year working for families affected by Alzheimer’s and (B) Work out at least 3 days a week for a year. I am proud to say that I kept both my resolutions. And the result is inspiring, even for me. It made me realize a lot of things about myself, and more importantly made me respect myself.

I think the wounds and the not-so-apparent baggage from caring for mom are healed. For e.g When I was caring for my mom with Alzheimer’s, I often lost my temper with her. I used to believe that I had no residual guilt about how I treated her, because I told myself again and again that I was merely 14-years old when those incidents happened. But, may be my soul was carrying that burden. A few weeks ago, I had a dream. I dreamed that I am 31, like in 2012, and I had all the skills and knowledge and experience that I do now, and my mom was sick RIGHT NOW. In my dream, I used all the techniques and strategies that I offer caregivers, and I was able to effectively communicate with my mom. As a dementia care consultant, I tell caregivers that people with dementia may not understand your words, but can perceive your tone and body language. If you respond with love, they will calm down. In my dream, my mother was super agitated. I used loving words and I spoke softly, and she turned at me and smiled. This is how I know I have healed fully.

All my adult life, I spent working hard at my jobs, while constantly wanting to work with people/families affected by Alzheimer’s. I was always told that I have a gift of working with youth. But I never wanted to. Now, I don’t have that burning need to work with Alzheimer’s. I don’t. Maybe it’s my calling to work with youth and working with Alzheimer’s was just a healing process and that’s why I needed to do it. I don’t know which career path I will eventually take – Dementia? Youth? Mental health? But I am excited.

Working out 3-4 days a week since early 2012 has made me feel like I have never felt before. My weight is the same, but I feel a lot more active, disciplined and absolutely gorgeous. I wear what I want. I eat what I want. And I have totally stopped caring what people think of my body. I think I have had a few people laugh at me when I told them, “Don’t call me fat. I don’t care if you think I am. I think I am sexy.” But I surprised myself. I have struggled with body image issues for years. And now, I simply don’t care. The difference is, that  I work out. It is a part of me, who I am. It’s my yardstick and not one created by anyone else.

This taught me that 1. that I will power, 2. I am as beautiful as I feel, 3. I can always change ‘what I want to be’.

So am I going to make any new year’s resolutions for 2013? Sure. Am I going to tell you what they are? Perhaps not. But I can tell you that the resolutions for 2013 are going to be really hard for me to adhere to. But then what do I know? I thought working out 3-4 days a week for an entire year was hard 🙂 So fingers crossed.

Have a blessed holiday season.

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Posted in: introspection