What the “Toilet Seat Experiment” Taught Me

Posted on November 2, 2012


Everyone thinks at some point that their marriage will “never be like everyone else’s”. This includes me. When I read about women getting hopping mad with their husbands for not putting the toilet seat down, I wondered how juvenile they were! If the seat is up, put it down. Is it worth having bitter fights with the love of your life and almost getting divorced?

The Deal Breaker

When that thought came to me, I should have known better! Every time I think “I would never…”, I end up doing it. So yes, Roberto and I fight over the toilet seat. Everyday. Sometimes multiple times a day. Sometimes there’s resignation in my voice, sometimes indignation, sometimes hatred. And the answer to my eternal “Why can’t you put the effing toilet seat down?” is “Ask me nicely and I will.”

My problem is, I always believe him. Honey, I will clean-up today. Honey, I have just 30 minutes of work. Honey, I didn’t eat that chocolate. So I decided to take him up on the “Ask me nicely and I will.” Every time I entered the bathroom and I saw the seat up, I would call out calmly. “Babbby….can you come in here and put the toilet seat down?” Sometimes I did it even after he was tucked into the blankets. And he had to come. WHY? Because I asked nicely. And…he is a nice guy who doesn’t use the EFF word. And…because I am pretty.

For a while, it worked. It worked great. It was like a game. There was humor between us. He was playful, flirty even (yea, believe it Amma!) when he came to put the seat down. And I almost began to believe that I had reformed him. And then within 2 weeks it began…”Baby please…I am so tired.” or “I am so sorry babbby…” or “Whatever man…this is so stupid! If it’s up, put it down.” And then I gave up.

So here’s what the whole thing taught me.

A. I am like every other girl. I look at men as a project and think I can reform them.

B. Men are like dogs. Their tails can never be straightened.

C. The toilet seat matters. Especially at 2 AM when you fall inside the bowl and it’s winter and the water’s freezing.

D. Women adapt faster than men. Since I gave up on my Reform Roberto project, I have never once fallen into the bowl. Even in my sleep, I remember to put it down.

Posted in: Relationships