5 Warnings to go with “5 Types Of Men Who Make GREAT Husbands”

Posted on March 24, 2012

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When I read “5 Types Of Men Who Make GREAT Husbands,” I was very thrilled. I could see that I could categorize my husband very neatly into a couple of these supposedly great qualities. I very happily posted this article to my Facebook profile. I do think it applies to partners of either sex though.

Once I posted this, I have a dear friend who said, “Yuck! Talk of objectifying…” and it got me thinking. I realized that while this is a great list, it is also a little misleading. I know at least 5 people (men and women) for each category and I can see warning bells ringing in my head. Each of these great qualities comes at a price. Here’s how!

1. The Provider:

According to the article, the USP (Unique Selling Point) of this guy (or person) is that he will bend-over-backwards to provide for his/her family. But there is a problem with this. The basic personality of this person can be tiresome after a while. S/he may be stifling their ambitions or worse not have any. That can be detrimental to the fabric of a relationship. S/he may resent their partner or make their spouse feel incredibly selfish or useless.

My Take: Each person in the relationship has to be a giver and a receiver. Each person has to have the ability to compromise, adjust and move on. BUT…each person needs to have a life. I don’t mean that both people need to have conventionally successful careers. I mean, each person needs to have things to focus on, other than providing for their family. You have to bring something more than money, food and sex to the table.

2. The Rock:

According to the article, the USP of this person is that they will stick by you through thick and thin. But I do know such Rocks who have a hard time making their hardships known. They are so used to being the Rock; they are unable to allow themselves a good cry, even when needed. As a result, the Rock can become emotionally stunted.

My Take: Each person in the relationship needs to have the space to voice their fears, concerns and the freedom to give way to tears when the going gets tough. Remember, Rocks are good to sit on or rest against, but they get battered by the weather and no one comes to shelter them. They have rough, even jagged edges and can hurt!

3. The Critical Thinker:

According to the article, the USP of this person is that s/he, “..doesn’t just see the problem in front of him; he sees a road map of the many solutions available…” I am going to make a dramatic statement. This is the worst of the lot! The reason? There are times, we just want to be heard, not resolved. And this person might make it real hard. If I have a fight with my best friend, I don’t want 5 different ways to make it okay. I know the 5 different ways and many more. I need to vent, before I can act.

My Take: Each person needs to have problem-solving abilities and the ability to walk away from a problem. Each person needs to understand that problems are not cold and emotionless; they are very much laden with feelings and stress. And sometimes, it is important to deal with the feelings before dealing with the problem.

 4. The Believer:

According to the article, the believer, “He has a church home, or a religious mainstay in his life and the fellowship refuels his engines.” While all of this is really true, I need to warn you that you have to choose your Believer carefully. In my experience, mostly Believers are grounded and emotionally sound, but are also more or less inflexible. This means that there may be no space in their lives for you to challenge their beliefs or have other beliefs. So if you are from the same belief system, this will work great, else it will not move forward. Also remember that if you’re from different belief systems, and one of you is inflexible, bringing up children might be hard.

My Take: There should be space in a relationship to believe what one wants to believe. There should be enough space to be able to practice what one wants to practice. I am a product of such a marriage. Both my parents belonged to different religions and different belief systems. The synergy they created was amazing. I love how diverse my childhood was, and how it shaped me to be liberal and accepting of all religions and belief systems.

5. The Free Spirit:

According to this article, the USP of this person is that “He stays positive and seeks to enjoy all aspects of his life, as much as humanly possible.” Choose a free spirit only if you can deal with the extreme optimism or free-floatiness that comes with it. Extremely positive people can be annoying for us lesser mortals. Also remember, that for someone who is super positive, it might be hard to understand you or your tendency to look at the negative side of things. In my experience, the Free Spirit is totally free and extremely hard to live with, especially if you have baggage, which most regular people do!

My Take: There should be space in the relationship to feel dissatisfied. If someone constantly tells me to hit the refresh button, I’d lose it. People are not computers. We need to work through issues, or let them work through us. Everyone has a different coping mechanism and they ought to be allowed that.

Moral of the Story: If you’re looking for a magical list of qualities that will help you choose your spouse, you’re sadly mistaken. So get into the real world, meet some people, go through some bad relationships till you find someone you want to grow old with. And some people say, for every decade, they have a new person…whatever floats your boat! If I had met my husband in my early 20s, I would never have even dated him. As we grow older, what we need and want changes. So re-evaluate your list every few years. Most importantly, do think about what YOU have to offer to a relationship!

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Posted in: Relationships