Top 10 Things I Miss Doing With Mom

Posted on May 25, 2010

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My mother was really special to me. Not just because she was my mother, but also because she was a lot of fun. I learnt the meaning of what “fun” meant from her! And it’s almost 10 years since she died, and 14 years since I lost her to AD. I still miss her. If it’s possible more than before. As I grow up more and more, I realise how much of a void losing mom has been! Yes, you learn to live with the loss and sometimes I don’t think about her everyday, but I do know that there are several things I (will) miss doing with mom.

10. Shopping – My mom and I used to get the best deals on everything…from jeans to shoes to books to gifts. I miss having her opinion on new items of clothing that I believe define me. E.g. harem pants!

09. Eating out – My mother was fond of good food. I have a memory of her and me on a moped, going to CTF in Ahmedabad, and pigging out on pizza! Though she was the queen of innovation inside the kitchen, she enjoyed eating out. She and I would have impromptu dates! Gone out to buy vegetables into the old city? Well, let’s head to Manek Chowk and eat pani puri! For the record, I haven’t been to Manek Chow since I went there last with mom when I was about 10.

08. Going trekking – My mom was a teacher and many a times she took her students out on camps. She was tomboyish (I am told, I am like that) and loved the adventure! Once, she was in the Gir Forest and happened to see an entire lion family less than 10 feet away. She told me that it was by far the most spectacular sight she had ever seen in her life!

07. Reading a story aloud – My mom was quite the actress and an entertainer. She used to read stories to us from Gujarati newspapers (back when the newspapers were actually of a great quality) and use different voice modulations. One impression I remember her doing really well was of a Parsi man…it was a series, a weekly, can’t remember what it was about, but hear mom’s accent, pitch and diction clearly! I think I got my love for enacting stories from this routine afternoon activity. I read stories out to little kids now, and I also get paid for it! I’d have loved for my mother to read stories to my children, hell, I mean, even me! She was that good!

06. Discussing the family and friends – Over the years, my mom told us a lot about the people in our family. I didn’t have much to say so I’d quietly listen. If I had the chance today to tell her my experiences, I would. I want to share my opinion about the various people we discussed in the short 13 years that I knew her…yet I have to admit, that any statement she made about anybody, was usually bang on!

05. Discuss politics and philosophy – I have seen my mom discussing this with one Dr. K, who was an eye doctor. Her daughter used to be mom’s student. Once we had gone to Dr. K’s place for dinner and I had heard mom and her discussing the Israel – Palestine conflict and the role of the West (read US) in the whole thing. I didn’t know anything, I was like 7 or 8! Now, looking back, I want to know what my mom would think about things like Indo-Pak relations, creation of Telangana, war on terror, etc. When I say philosophy, I also mean religion! I would want to know her thoughts on things like religious conversions, idol worship (since she was born a ‘sthanakvasi‘, but her maiden family had a Goddess, Shakti Maa), Buddha and his preaching of the middle path. I’d have loved for her to come for vipassana with me, and discuss our experiences later.

04. Playing with Anoushka – My niece was born 2 months after mom died. It would have been a pleasure to see mom’s take on child development. A lot of what I do with kids today (I am told I am super good with kids!) is based on what I saw mom do with her students ages ago! And of course, I want her to be able to enjoy Anoushka’s antics…her sitar playing and Kathak dancing…and simply being a kid and running all over the place. I think mom would have loved knowing Anoushka as a woman – yes, there is a woman inside that 9-year old who surprises us all with her poise and wisdom!

03. Get advice on marriage and relationships – As the institution of marriage becomes more and more redundant in today’s world, my mother’s experience of having been married for 22 years before she fell ill would’ve been useful for me. I’d have liked to understand her take on various issues like why the incidence of divorces is going up in India or what would constitute a good marriage…

02. Celebrating festivals – I can’t remember the last time I was excited about any festival or occasion. My childhood memories of Holi are of mom playing with my friends with as many pakka colours as possible – and me hiding under the bed. It’s been years since I celebrated Ganesh Chaturthi. It used to be a big celebration. My mom – a Jain, would have been following the paryushan for an entire week which would end with Samvatsari and Ganesh Chaturthi falling mostly on the same day! Modaks and karanjis and kheer…the smell of childhood lingers…

01.Have her comfort me – There is a saying that, “God couldn’t be everywhere, that’s why he created mothers!” I miss my mom the most when I am down, out or afraid. Sometimes, I just wish I could put my head on her shoulder and watch her bite her nails as she read. Yes, my mom used to bite her nails! I would give anything if I could go to bed beside her just one more time…put one arm and leg over her body and just sleep peacefully. And of course, have her push me off in the middle of the night 😀

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