The Singing Angel

Posted on October 27, 2009

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I have recently reconnected with my faith in God. As a child I had prayed for my mother to get healed, and when she didn’t I decided that I didn’t believe. After all, she had been a devout person, who did her prayers religiously twice a day, fasted/abstained during paryushan, etc. As life progressed I became more and more cynical as I looked at how “easy” the lives of other people had been…then I was convinced that there IS a God, he is just “an upper class, upper caste, MAN”. That was the journey from 13 to 26. Systematically becoming a God-hater.

Then when I met Roberto life turned a little bit. I don’t remember the beginnings of this relationship bound by spirituality, but I remember having to struggle less and less each time I prayed for strength instead of outcomes. Soon, I was reconnected with God.

However, troubles continue to rain, hail and thunder each week. Yes, some people just have it hard. And there have been times in the recent past, that I have felt so lonely and angry that I have distanced myself from friends, family – everyone. Yoga/Kathak being the only saving graces. My bolster pillow with the yellow cover, the only witness to my suffering…it reeks of my tears, yeah, that salty smell.

Last night I was particularly upset. Reasons are immaterial. But it was late at night. I convulsed in pain. Cried. Prayed. I knew I couldn’t stop. The darkness would eat me up if I stopped praying…and then I thought of mom and said to no one in particular, “Where are you ma, please help me?”

Just as these words materialized in my head, my phone rang. It was my soul brother Sam. “Hey Sis! Are you ok?” I cried into the phone, not saying a word. He said, “Hey sis, calm down…listen to me…” and I heard the strumming of his guitar. He sang me a gospel song,”I’m in love with Jesus”.

n547490424_5797883_928And as the song flowed, the tears became less intense, less consuming, less devouring…by the end of the song, I was crying, but mostly in relief. After Sam hung up, I messaged him and told him what had transpired, he replied, “Guess what sis, God listens to your prayers.”

I believe Sam is my guardian angel. This is the second time I that I have begged for help from God, in bad shape, I have called for mercy late in the night, and Sam and his guitar have come to the rescue…

Love you bro.

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