My Caregiver’s Song

I watched her wither, I wished she died,
And then I burned in shame, I tried to hide.
I spoke to none, I knew I’d be shunned,
In my own private hell, I began to reside.

She knew me not, yet I wanted her to know,
I was her little one, the one she bore.
But she continued to fray, and I continued to stray,
It took our core each day, in living graves, we both just lay.

I hit her once, and told no one,
I knew they’d say, she should’ve borne a son!
I fed her, and bathed her, and held her and cried,
And tried to grow up, oh, how hard I tried.

No one came to visit, not family or friends,
Equations changed, and I struggled to make sense.
Father had to earn and he chose to stay away,
Sister and I kept household crises at bay!

Sister got married, it then fell unto me,
To care for that woman, who my mother couldn’t be,
And I cradled her as a baby, though 49 she was,
Each day, each week, just added to the loss.

And she died one day, after saying goodbye,
I couldn’t believe I had willed her to die.
She was my mother, albeit she knew me not,
And I had killed her, as if with my thoughts.

I took to the bottle, and popped a few pills,
I needed to pay, I had to pay for my sins,
But when I awoke, I was still alive,
I realised I had to live, I couldn’t be naive.

I wrote a letter to my mamma long gone,
Said sorry and let go, and I tried to move on,
And that’s when I realise “The Foundation” was born,
As people join in, as “The Foundation” forms,
I smile and rise, my new life, I’m reborn!

— For my mother, you didn’t die in vain! I love you. Thank you for being you!

September 2013: I am no longer working on “The Caregiver’s Foundation” as I had originally thought. Life has taken me a slightly different route. I am still making sense of where my efforts in helping families affected by Alzheimer’s will go. But please keep me in your prayers.

Tagged: Alzheimer, Alzheimer's disease, Caregiver, childhood, Conditions and Diseases, daughter, death, Dementia, desperation, family, health, introspection, life, loss, love, mother, Neurological Disorders, slow death

Posted in: childhood, daughter, desperation, introspection, life, love, mother