Back on track

Posted on November 11, 2008


It’s been about 6 weeks since I meditated. It’s been about 2 weeks since I began to feel an unrest that just wouldn’t go. “It is no use, it is no use” kept reverberating in my head. And slowly, I began to believe that “it IS no use”.

I wondered how, 2 years of hard work and dedication to spiritual practices later, I had still found myself at this spiritual cross road! I had began to think that if I meditate and come back on track, it wouldn’t be good enough, because this can happen again and make me feel as worthless. Little did I realise, that it was I, ME, who had written on this very blog, a few months ago, that if one were to fall down on the road, and refuse to get up, then she/he would surely get run over. But I guess, at every stage of spiritual practice, learning happens. In ways we don’t like or cannot fathom or even tolerate.

On Nov 9th., Sunday, I found myself sitting in the meditative pose, breathing in 6 counts – holding for 3 counts – and breathing out for 6 counts. I found myself losing concentration and rhythm several times, but I did the entire thing, resolutely. I felt myself calm down, relax and become very aware of every thought that went through my head. I had a good day. I slept peacefully.

Yesterday, I didn’t meditate and again I felt stubborn and determined to maintain the annoying desperation. It was bad, to say the least 🙂

And then, this morning, I got up and meditated. From the time I sat up in the lotus position, I felt a calm take over me. And as I blessed the entire earth with peace, inner bliss and inner strength and deep deep deep joy; I felt myself be resurrected. As I chanted “om” and meditated on the pause between the two chants, I began to sit tall, mentally. By the time I finished, I knew this day would see me 🙂 😀 and be merry.

What did this teach me?
– I get knocked down, but I don’t have to remain down.
– I can get knocked down no matter how sturdy I think I am.
– I can remain as sturdy as I want no matter how hard I am knocked down.
– I can grow, even as I fall. I can rise even when I think I am wiped out.

Suggestions for others:
– The root of sorrow lies within us, in our tendency to be self-focussed. Meditation On Twin Hearts gives us the opportunity to heal the world and in the process heal ourselves, become self aware, and let ourselves evolve to the hilt.

Practical Observations
– One begins to accept others. Not say negative things or bitch about others.
– Lying becomes difficult. The conscience develops so much that it pinches every time a lie is spoken.
– There is an intense need to forgive. The higher soul just doesn’t want to hold on to any grudges. So one finds oneself forgiving the smallest and the biggest hurts that others cause us. One finds an intense need to accept internal flaws, and forgive oneself for them. Mentally asking for forgiveness, sets us free.

I am alive. Once again. Amen.

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